can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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