Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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