my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
