I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
