Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
