so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
