Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
