there's paper in my vomit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
