oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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