My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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