from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
