it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
