In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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