I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
