I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
