worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your penis caused this!
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