Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
