your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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