I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize