I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
