So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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