WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
