yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
