He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize