I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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