I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
