I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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