it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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