Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
