Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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