i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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