Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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