I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
