overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
