I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
