i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize