And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
