I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
