Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
