It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
