I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
