going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
