Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
MIDGETS
????
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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