new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
