soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
