I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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