I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
