so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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