do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
