i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
