I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
