I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
