Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
