I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
