You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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