sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize