I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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