mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
