I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
