If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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