We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize