I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I believe in your delicious
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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