There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
