So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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