Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
