OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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