so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
