I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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