Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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