If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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