I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize