barbara walters just said penis...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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