My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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