finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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