How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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